wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
