I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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