I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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