CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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