So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
