oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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