She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
