Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
