Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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