FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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