Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
