Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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