The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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