I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
