He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
