sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
