Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
