I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
