and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
