Who wears a wallet chain?!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
