Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
