New low: just hacked my moms facebook
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
