The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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