bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
