Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
