You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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