When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
