Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
