did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
