we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
