so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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