Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
