He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
