good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
