just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
