i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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