We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
