She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
