I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
