I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
