dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
