i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
