Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
