I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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