I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
