I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
