im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
