i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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