I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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