My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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