guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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